No GOOP, we are most definitely not on the same side

Elise Loehnen, the Chief Content Officer at GOOP and Gwyneth Paltrow’s right-hand woman, was recently interviewed by The Times and had some incorrect and less than flattering things to say about Cosmopolitan and yours truly. Loehnen was asked about the ongoing (and valid) concerns about much of the health content and health-related products sold by […]

Gwyneth Paltrow wants to take your money. The press is helping her

The Wall Street Journal Magazine (WSJM) has a puff piece on Gwyneth Paltrow and her pile of GOOP. People Magazine has an even more cloying companion piece. I expect that from People, but honestly I thought the WSJM might actually offer more than a thinly veiled advertisement. I thought wrong. Both articles have a serious […]

GOOP recommends a “sacred snake ceremony” for better sex. I have questions.

I did not make up the term GOOPASUTRA, but honestly it sounds like raw milk pasta, which sounds about as far from sexy as possible. But snakes, right? I mean once you have endorsed a medium as legitimate the next step is clearly a snake charmer. It’s honestly a full on traveling shit show of […]

Dr. Oz warns viewers about “fake” psychics wants you to pay for “real” ones.

Dr. Oz has been selected by our science loving President to serve on the President’s Council for Sports, Fitness, and Nutrition. This will allow Dr. Oz to get the White House stamp of approval for his “negative calorie foods” and “belly blasting diets.” I am totally sure Dr. Oz will do the right thing to […]

A magnet next to your vagina will not treat hot flashes (or anything else)

It appears Gwyneth Paltrow does not have a corner on the “rock in your crotch” market as LadyCare, a product apparently not named by Ron Burgundy, is selling a magnet to clip to your underwear with claims that it can cure pretty much everything, from hot flashes to low libido to stress. Take that you low […]

Don’t cleanse your vagina with a cucumber. Please.

In what seems like post #323 explaining that vaginas don’t need cleaning I present the cucumber vagina cleanse. Apparently some women are peeling cucumbers inserting them vaginally and then twisting them around for up to 20 minutes to refresh or cleanse or flush or something. This isn’t just a weird Facebook thing one person did […]

GOOP camouflages hormone hints among the hydrangeas

Despite all the GOOP-related press in the past few weeks I still keep to my general frequency of bi-weekly GOOP medical rounding so I can be up to date on their biologically implausible yet expensive health conversations. It seems that after they got all uncensored with me on July 13th there have been no new […]

Guys don’t tape your penis shut instead of using a condom

I admit the penis is not my professional wheelhouse but after someone sent me the horror that is Jiftip the Diktip I could not resist. After all Alex Jones has proven that men are equally vulnerable to snake oil and I do not want any guys trying this or any female partners getting pregnant because […]

Gwyneth Paltrow’s detox smoothie has too much arsenic for my taste

Gwyneth Paltrow threw down the gauntlet. Having people ask about the validity of second-hand medical information from a ghost, wanting explanations about the antiparasitic properties of goat milk, or questioning the physics of recharging a jade egg with lunar energy is apparently more tiresome than adrenal fatigue. Too much entropy!  To remind herself that chicks […]

Dear Gwyneth Paltrow we’re not f**king with you we’re correcting you, XOXO Science

Dear Ms. Paltrow, I understand you recently said that anyone who is going to fuck with you better bring their A game.   I’m pretty sure you don’t mean comment on your recipes but rather the growing exasperation from medical professionals and journalists alike at the almost constant debunking of the health “advice” and all […]