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Orgasm, sex

Cosmo’s sex position of the day proves they’re lazy, uninspired misogynists (water is also wet)

Taking the old Cosmo Sex Position of the Day app out for a whirl I was greeted with the Standing Tiger/Crouching Dragon.

Sigh, where to begin.

First of all, with a sex app for women the man’s position shouldn’t, you know, be listed first. And of course the men are the tigers and women the dragons, because secretly every woman wants to be known as The Dragon Lady. BTW Cosmo interns, the movie is actually Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon so if you are going with this particular cultural reference, at least get it right and use Crouching Tiger/Standing Dragon.

The G-spot Jiggy!

Oh, but hey, I need to correct myself. Because if I know my Cosmo sex positions, this is really the G-spot Jiggy (I snicker every time I write that), it’s just the guy is standing up. Oh, and the 70’s porn spotlight is gone. Because that changes everything, especially for the girl. Rehashing sex positions so you can squeeze out a few more is so uninspired. Although, Cosmo puts the same slutty outfit on the cover of practically every magazine, so maybe that is to be expected.

And my dear Cosmo, it might also be a good idea to learn what the title of the movie actually means. It’s a reference to a common expression that we all have dragons and tigers beneath the surface that can spring out at any time. That’s not what comes to mind when I think of an old faithful position like doggie style the G-spot Jiggy. A sex position that references this amazing movie should be a little more, uh, ground breaking. Not that I have anything against doggie style, not at all, but for crying out loud, the movie celebrates women warriors. This is the reference you use for chandelier sex.

And, as previously demonstrated, achieving this position is not a technical challenge.

Cosmo, I’m still waiting for a position that does not require orthopedic consultation and offers something new. Although, I’m not sure what I really expected from the magazine that has 10-year-olds everywhere tugging on their mother (or father’s sleeve), pointing at the November cover in the supermarket check out and asking, “What’s kinky sex and why should I tell my inner good girl to get lost?” Strategically placed, of course,  right above Awesome Confidence Boosters.



8 thoughts on “Cosmo’s sex position of the day proves they’re lazy, uninspired misogynists (water is also wet)

  1. Great post – alas I don’t think we’ll ever see the day when Cosmo is a pillar of modern feminism!

    Posted by OracularSpectacular | November 20, 2011, 12:09 pm
  2. Not that I’m any fan of Cosmo, but where’s the misogynism? I see the lazy and uninspired. I don’t see the migogynist anywhere in your article.

    Posted by Din | November 20, 2011, 1:13 pm
  3. If I was ten years old I would be saying “Look Mummy, it’s the new Batgirl con the cover”. “Oh Look, she goes out flying for a period of time in her Bat Gynocopter” I wasn’t a very good reader when I was ten, as you might have guessed.

    Posted by Shockwave Plasma | November 20, 2011, 1:57 pm
  4. Umm, more like feminism’s sex position of the day critique proves they’re angry, obsessive misanthropes. (Ice is also cold)

    When I look at that the P.O.D. and see two non white people(for once) sharing some sexytime. That glass is 2/3 full, NOT 1/3 empty. Maybe if you lighten up a little you’ll no longer need to pose in simulated sex positions all by your single, lonesome, clothed self. Just sayin.

    Nice thighs by the way. Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

    Posted by Adam | November 24, 2011, 9:42 am
  5. Actually, there is a distinct difference between those two positions, other than the light. Notice the angles. Not every doggie style is the same doggie style. 😉

    But, yeah, you’re pretty much right about everything else.

    Posted by Blade | February 11, 2012, 8:06 pm

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