The fact I could not find an inner tube threw me on my quest to evaluate the choice goodness (*cough*) that was the last offering on my Cosmo Sex Position of the Day app. It was for science people! But after much sulking, I decided to check out another position (hope still springs eternal for the inner tube, BTW).

Much to my surprise I was greeted by an old friend: an image of a lady on all fours. I typically refer to this as doggie style (I don’t think there is an appropriate GYNO term, sadly TeLinde’s gynecology is missing a chapter on sex positions). After some crowdsourcing on Twitter, doggie style indeed seemed to be the #1 moniker for this position followed by from the back.

But if you were playing Family Feud (with Richard Dawson, of course) and the question was, “100 people were surveyed, what do you call this sex position?” would you ever, in your wildest dreams hit the buzzer and shout…”The G-spot jiggy.”

Yeah, I though not.

Just imagine yourself in the THRONGS of passion and you want to change positions to doggie style. I have shouted/moaned/suggested/emoted many phrases to get into this position (flip me over and fuck me hard comes to mind), but never, ever, in a bazillion years would I ever say, “Let’s do the G-spot jiggy.”

Just say it out loud and try not to laugh. I dare you.

Clearly the writers (and I use that term loosely) at Cosmo are stupid have no literary skills are unfamiliar with the concept that there are some old faithful sex positions and that they, uh, have already been given a name or two. Now while they can show women tarted out to the extreme, propped up in a crack-induced-come-fuck-me-now pose on the cover, it is clear that using the words “doggie style” is simply too gauche for the polite company that Cosmo aspires to keep. However, there are some less lascivious terms for this position, Roman handshake is probably the winner (thank you to the lovely @_TraumaNP for reminding me of that one) .

And then of course there is the 2nd point. If you have an app that you are touting as the modern day Kama Sutra for us babes on the go, then why the fuck do you have a reference for doggie style anyway? If we get back to the whole Family Feud analogy, thinking rapid fire the top 3 sex positions are probably: 1) missionary 2) girl on top 3) dogie style. (And dear God, Cosmo, I do hope pictures to explain missionary position and girl on top are not going to pop up the next time I take your app for a whirl). I mean including doggie style is about as nouveau as including walking in a exercise app, complete with instructions of, “Put one foot in front of the other and repeat.” Ground breaking, truly ground breaking.

Any finally, while the G-spot jiggy is achievable by the average woman, if you are going to call it that, most certainly not without fits of laughter.

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