I probably get asked this question once a week (and I suspect many more women want to ask, but sadly for some it’s just too hard to discuss vibrators or even orgasms). BTW, the fact that we can be subject to TV ads for Viagra and Cialis during every sporting event, but vibrator ads are essentially taboo just pisses me off to no end. But I digress.

First of all, if you are having an orgasm, what you are doing is normal (as long as it involves consenting adults). For the record, studies tell us that the LEAST reliable way for a woman to achieve orgasm is intercourse (gotta love evidenced-based medicine). What is the most reliable way you ask? Manual stimulation (oral sex is second, in case you are wondering). A vibrator is simply an extension of manual stimulation.

Vibrators are particularly effective because they produce a constant stimulation, and for many women not varying the stimulation once you are on the spot is the recipe for success. Also, vibrators don’t get tired or develop over use injuries, such as carpal tunnel syndrome.

Many women find orgasm a little more challenging as they, ahem, age. Here again, the vibrator comes to the rescue. Some of us need hearing aids, some need glasses, some Viagra, and some a vibrator.

Some guys get a bit bothered about adding a vibrator into the mix (although I am sure none would think twice about popping a little blue pill before hand so they can achieve maximal success). My answer to that, is, “Get over yourselves.” Both partners having an orgasm should be the common goal.

A bullet vibrator (designed for clitoral stimulation) may be the best introductory vibrator to share with your partner. Put on some mood music to drown the noise (if you have one with rechargeable batteries, like a Lelo, the noise will be minimal), and show your partner what you like.

Join the Conversation

17 Comments

  1. I have been reading your blogs. They are wonderful! I love the one about Oprah–I feel exactly the same way. The vibrator blog is great as well. Clearly written and very reassuring. All the best, Wendy Please come visit my website–links to my blogs, FB, twitter are there.

  2. I find the statistics on orgasms triggered by manual stimulation vs oral stimulation a bit curious. Assuming the data are correct, do you think this is because women differ in the sensitivity of the clitoris (vs say Halban’s fascia) or because of poor technique on the partner’s part (lack of emotional attunement to feedback for example), or some other reason I’m not thinking of?

    1. I assume it is the degree of pressure with manual stimulation and possibly shorter duration of oral contact. I suspect technique is an issue as well.

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  4. I orgasm with a vibrator, it can be up to 8 times in one night and squat like 3 litres of water. Is this normal?ba

  5. Ridiculous. There’s a difference between enjoying adding a vibrator to the mix and a woman absolutely needing a vibrator to orgasm. No woman would want to be with a man who could never orgasm while having sex with her, but he could orgasm easily alone using a flashlight.

    1. Well Marvin, I suggest you look up the information on female orgasm. Many women do not orgasm with vaginal sex and require manual clitoral stimulation. Why is that wrong? And with age, some women need more input and often need a vibrator.

      Some people need a vibrator, some people need glasses. Some women have partners who don’t know how to provide the right foreplay and don’t take any feedback well.

      What most sex educators say is it doesn’t matter how you get to the party, it matters that you have a good time there.

  6. My question would be how would women feel if their bodies were NEVER enough to make us orgasm?

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